You Won't Believe What This Guy Did With His Condom

13 Nov

0

We've heard some crazy stories about condom use. From “water” balloons filled with questionable liquids to insane stories of failure at the worst moment, we've heard it all. But you won't believe what this one guy did with his condom... Or, maybe you will. ...because you might do it too!

Before we get to that, we'd like to point out that even the most reliable condoms are made of a latex or latex-like material. They are strong, but not impermeable. Are you starting to catch on to what this guy did?

Okay, so here goes. Wilson Dobry had admittedly been out of the game for a while. After a messy divorce, he swore off of women. His oath didn't last terribly long, but long enough to make him feel like his skills in the boudoir were more than a little rusty. Then he met Katie.

Wilson and Katie immediately hit it off. He felt the light slowly returning to his eyes, and the spark returning to his nether regions with a bit more quickness. So on every date, Wilson arrived prepared. And we do mean every date, starting from the first. Because, hey, you never know.

But Katie proved to be a woman of virtue; one who held strong to her beliefs. In fact, it was six months before Wilson and Katie would finally “do the deed.” After six months, it was finally time for Wilson to pull that dusty old condom out of his wallet. Hooray! Well, we know what Wilson was doing in those months (still, we'll let you draw your own conclusions). But what adventures did his condom face in that same time?

If we're being honest, it was all rather uneventful until that fateful day about three months in when Wilson and Katie went to the opera. Earlier in the day, Wilson had bought a new shirt to wear for the night. It wasn't until he was sitting on Katie's couch that he realized that there was a pushpin sticking into his neck, one that he had neglected to remove earlier. And instead of admitting that he didn't already own opera-suitable attire before this particular night, he quickly grabbed the pin and stashed it in his wallet, hiding the evidence of his new purchase.

“What? This old thing? It's what I always wear to the many operatic events I attend.” Right, Wilson. Well, that pushpin flubbed around in his wallet for about three weeks before he finally removed it, but by that time, it was too late. His condom was already pushing up dasies. It had been stabbed in the heart several times and was no longer of use to anyone. Heck, it couldn't have even made a proper water balloon. The problem is that Wilson didn't know his condom was ready to be buried, so he kept it there in his wallet until the time was right. And when the time was right, he had no idea the condom he was using was full of holes. We're not going to tell you how this story ends, but we will tell you that it wasn't the intended ending for Wilson or Katie.

It's not always a pushpin that murders condoms. It can be any number of things, and it doesn't even have to have particularly sharp edges. The moral of this story is to bring a fresh condom with you every time you anticipate on having sex, and keep it away from other potentially harmful objects.